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Post by pandorasvise on Jun 11, 2011 22:11:22 GMT -5
In my dojo, we do not get invited to be part of the belt test unless we have achived all the requirements and can do our fitness. I have been working hard and was invited.
But during the test itself, I couldn't finish the push-ups without putting my leg down. When sensei saw me do that she made me start over from one. After 15 more, I dropped my leg again. Start over from 1. I did that like twice more. I would up doing twice as many as I needed but since I had to keep starting over the count, i only got to 15 at my last try.
Then it was time for handstands, and I have the hardest time with them. I get sick to my stomach but I have been working really hard these last three months to do them. During the last month, I did them at every class and for the required time. During the test my right arm collasped under me with only 5 seconds left. It was not very kyokushin of me, but I had to fight back the tears.
At the end of testing, i got my next level, but I don't feel like I deserve it. I didn't do all that I needed to do. I want to give back the stripe. Am I being too hard on myself, or should i ask to be put down a level until I really earn my stripe?
Funny becasue I was talking about how achiving the belts doesn't matter to me. Like I don't care if I rank up, but it turns out I really care about ranking up when I feel like I sholdnt have. It feels dishonest.
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Post by GJEC on Jun 12, 2011 1:26:42 GMT -5
Are you kidding me?
There's sooooo much more to promoting people than just numbers on a page. My guess is your sensei saw something in you - maybe the willingness to grit your teeth, stiffen your spine and keep trying - that told her all she needed to know.
By contrast others might have performed the right number without any apparent effort, but cruised through their test without pushing themselves.
I look (from the seniors) for a certain effort than cannot be measured. It's an attitude I'm looking for, an approach to the challenge that is hard to define but you know it when you see it. My guess is you showed the right stuff.
Grab yourself a celebratory beer and put this self-doubt behind you. Onwards and upwards!
Gary
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Post by powerof0ne on Jun 12, 2011 1:29:22 GMT -5
Part of a belt test is just a formality. Your sensei who is testing you feels that you deserve it. You kept trying and didn't give up. The fact that you aren't sure if you deserve your new rank let's me know you deserve it. Osu!
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wullie
Member
I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!
Posts: 725
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Post by wullie on Jun 12, 2011 2:19:34 GMT -5
GJEC and P01 are spot on! you were invited to test- that means you deserve it, you got stuck in and didn't give up- that means you deserve it, also your instructor gave you your belt- THAT MEANS YOU DESERVE IT!!! now wear it with pride, and have that beer Gary mentioned ;D
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Post by senshido on Jun 12, 2011 3:36:51 GMT -5
I agree with the other guys.... you kept trying, that says it all! Osu Congratulations on passing!
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Post by pandorasvise on Jun 12, 2011 8:07:04 GMT -5
Thanks guys, I feel better about it now I know I am sometimes too hard on my self. Going to get that beer now
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evergrey
Member
Get over yourself, mate.
Posts: 854
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Post by evergrey on Jun 13, 2011 3:22:24 GMT -5
OSU, I agree. You showed heart and spirit! And the core of Kyokushin isn't push-ups and handstands anyway, heh. OSU
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Post by MMX on Jun 13, 2011 11:15:55 GMT -5
Sounds like you kicked butt to me. Osu!
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Post by alan on Jun 14, 2011 7:26:28 GMT -5
in my opinion your sensei already knew who he was going to upgrade before the test, you showed the spirit and confirmed their decision!
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fatjoe
Member
Just for Kicks
Posts: 98
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Post by fatjoe on Jun 14, 2011 11:49:15 GMT -5
Are you kidding me? There's sooooo much more to promoting people than just numbers on a page. My guess is your sensei saw something in you - maybe the willingness to grit your teeth, stiffen your spine and keep trying - that told her all she needed to know. By contrast others might have performed the right number without any apparent effort, but cruised through their test without pushing themselves. I look (from the seniors) for a certain effort than cannot be measured. It's an attitude I'm looking for, an approach to the challenge that is hard to define but you know it when you see it. My guess is you showed the right stuff. Grab yourself a celebratory beer and put this self-doubt behind you. Onwards and upwards! Gary OSU!! You are an awesome Sensei!! These are the words of encouragement that are often lacking in a dojo. Pandorasvise, I stand corrected if I am wrong, but I have a feeling that everyone of us get that unsure feeling after grading at one time or another. That feeling is due to knowing we have to "Earn" our grade, we are not entitled to it. You have passed, congratulations!!! Your Sensei, as stated by others, saw you ready before the test. You needed to show up and leave it on the floor and you did!!! OSU!! Now you have to be that grade, and that takes effort, and will be noted for future gradings!! I love this thread as it means a lot in my world. I am often unsure when I test due to physical issues.....but I will always leave it on the floor.....and when I reflect on the words that GJEC shared above, I will continue to push my boundaries and cast aside my mental crutches!! OSU!!
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Post by GJEC on Jun 14, 2011 11:56:21 GMT -5
That's very kind of you to say Joe.
The right stuff comes under the "I know it when I see it category" and I'm sure most instructors feel the same.
Gary
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Post by smoke on Jun 14, 2011 18:25:37 GMT -5
I felt I could've worked harder for my shodan, but that still didn't stop me from having a nice steak dinner with my sensei and my family afterwards.
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Post by senshido on Jun 15, 2011 7:02:50 GMT -5
That's very kind of you to say Joe. The right stuff comes under the "I know it when I see it category" and I'm sure most instructors feel the same. Gary most definitely
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Post by senshido on Jun 15, 2011 7:05:04 GMT -5
I felt I could've worked harder for my shodan, but that still didn't stop me from having a nice steak dinner with my sensei and my family afterwards. when you say " I could've worked harder" do you mean that you didnt give it your all?
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Post by walshy on Jun 15, 2011 7:59:01 GMT -5
I'll always remember my 2nd kyu grading! We started about 10 am and was due to finish 4-430. Anyway about 3 o'clock i thought "mmm still feeling fairly fresh, either i'm not working hard enough or it's not as bad as people say". Well Kancho then drilled us with kihon for over an hour, i don't know how many punches and kicks we did! Then the fighters came in for the kumite and i think it was after fight number 10 i thought "yep i've worked hard enough"!! It was quite a push to get to the 20th fight required, and i only got dropped once (by our own tmd )
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