GJEC
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LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Post by GJEC on Dec 21, 2011 1:31:48 GMT -5
It may just be me, but I wonder if anyone else feels this way?
I know that walking away from a potentially explosive situation always makes sense. From a legal point of view and from a self-preservation point of view, controlling your emotions - whether they be fear or temper - apologising, even if you are not at all sure how offence has been caused, and removing yourself by the first available safe route is always the best option.
But why do I (we?) always feel bad about it afterwards?
The last situation I walked away from - a minor traffic dispute and certainly not worth prison for - I really felt I should have just smacked the guy in the face.
Strange isn't it? I spend a lot of time drilling core skills and keeping them sharp and I know not striking someone is always the best option. And yet I agonized afterwards over my decision to walk away. I suppose inside this 55 year old (sensible) frame the combative young man (who took no shit) is still bursting to get out.
Gary
PS It did me a favour. I've trained harder since. (Goes back to sharpening his tools ...)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2011 2:28:54 GMT -5
I'm the same way Gary. From my own views, mentally I almost feel as if I "lost" when I do the sensible thing. Since I hate losing, it's no wonder why I sometimes wish I had responded physically instead of letting them "win" in my eyes. However, in the long run, I know it's beneficial for me (and my job) if I don't KO every aggressive loudmouth I run into. Common sense prevails, I guess.
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Post by ryosakazaki on Dec 21, 2011 3:34:06 GMT -5
There are times that it's just not worth it. Of course it's a different story when someone is really threatening you; you really have to "lay the smacketh down on their candy ass"...
As for me, I made it a personal rule not to engage anyone unless self preservation is at stake, mine, my family's or anyone else's that need help for that matter. My last altercation nearly cost me a criminal record...
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Post by senshido on Dec 21, 2011 5:22:27 GMT -5
definitely not alone Gary!
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wullie
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I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!
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Post by wullie on Dec 21, 2011 6:39:12 GMT -5
Glad it's not just me that feels like that. I can only walk away if it's verbal, if someone pushes me or takes a swing I just can't
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GJEC
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LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
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Post by GJEC on Dec 21, 2011 9:22:57 GMT -5
The worst thing for me is knowing that people only front up to you in that way because they don't see you as a threat.Now, while it's nice to blend in and not be one that invites trouble, it would still be nice to have that aura about you that makes people think twice then reconsider. Maybe I'll get over this when I grow up ... Gary
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fatjoe
Member
Just for Kicks
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Post by fatjoe on Dec 21, 2011 9:42:42 GMT -5
This is a very complex issue Gary. I have agonized over every time I walked away from a Peacock primping his/their feathers after a verbal confrontation. I learned long ago that arguing is the first step to loosing this battle. Yet I still succumb to doing it from time to time........and yep its usually in traffic when I have a different focus then fighting. One thing I have found is after I forget about the incident, and it resurrects itself somehow in a thought or conversation.......that is when I am really happy I didnt impose my will.
I have embarrassed my family in the past with my blinded rage and intent to exact a toll on someone and scared my children. The oldest was 8 at the time but they were all crying as people were screaming at me to stop........that image never leaves, still hurts to this day that I didn't walk away. But......you are not alone Gary!!
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Post by havamal on Dec 21, 2011 16:27:59 GMT -5
I was talking to a someone at a business related holiday party who told me some credible self-defense like fight stories from contacts at the BART metro-trains, all of them ended in his favor, by one or two punches to their jaws, mostly. Interesting stories, but each of them I thought I would have walk away, Matter of fact I've walked away from all of my (except one) encounters in those BART trains. There's one exception: I didn't need to strike since the perp' walked away when I intervened in a battery-in-progress.
hard training increases awareness which also does increase restraint and while emanating "vibes" that prevents some.
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Post by seattle on Dec 21, 2011 19:37:07 GMT -5
I must be lucky, I don't really agonize over walking away. Must be all the years of umpiring professional baseball and bartending. I am generally calm in argument and dazzle them with common sense (almost always disarms/confuses the mentally irrational).
However, my wife does not like to walk away! That changes the game. She does not train, just has a temper and does not like stupid people.
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Post by powerof0ne on Dec 21, 2011 20:51:08 GMT -5
When I react in situations where I've gotten in somebody's face, roughed them up, hit them, etc...I always feel like crap afterwards even if it was justified. The reason why is because I go into a "blind rage" like a switch was turned on, it's a side of me I try to keep under wraps because I feel like I've lost whenever I do that. The last time I did it, I apologized to everybody around me for "snapping," even though they thanked me for kicking two idiots out that were ruining the night for everybody. I more times then not in the last 5 years or so feel really good when I'm able to not blow up on somebody. Whenever I do get worked up like this it takes me hours to calm down and regain my composure, it's just not worth it. If I can walk away from a situation I rather would every time but there are extreme situations where I won't be able to control myself...thankfully they haven't happened in some time . Yes, I'm the same as Wullie too, if someone pushes me or strikes me, I'll probably respond very badly back. Sorry if this made me sound like a raving lunatic LOL, I'm not, I have a temper, have for years, and am very good at avoiding situations where I'll show it. If any of you ever meet me, I doubt you'd even know this side of me existed . Osu!
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Post by senshido on Dec 22, 2011 5:22:28 GMT -5
However, my wife does not like to walk away! That changes the game. She does not train, just has a temper and does not like stupid people. ;D
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tmd
Member
Think Fast Hit hard
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Post by tmd on Feb 5, 2012 5:05:02 GMT -5
I think the reason you might feel post looser event blues (or pleb), the reason it eats me up anyway is becuase I know I could have taught them a lesson and yet by doing the right thing in a civilised society they learned being a ahole paid off, I backed down and let them walk away feeling victorious - what I should have done is removed them from the gene pool. These aholes go on to have kids and teach them the same - he who shouts loadest wins as most decent people either can't or don't want to get into a full blown argument or punch up, could be wrong but that's what my gut tells me.
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tmd
Member
Think Fast Hit hard
Posts: 242
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Post by tmd on Feb 5, 2012 5:21:42 GMT -5
Would also add the missus is significantly less likely to back down - she has no temper just a resolute stance on this kind of attitude - could be something to do with dealing with kids (or me) a lot but before she throws a punch you know she is ready for action. These kind of events do make me wonder about the 'big' picture so one for the larger folk out there, I feel more vunerable to having to prove my ability since cutting back 25kg - despite being just as strong, faster and a more capable martial artist - I am less of a physical presence - should 'bulking up' be part of SP training??? I know I am considering returning to closer to 80kG once I 'retire'.
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wullie
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I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!
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Post by wullie on Feb 5, 2012 5:30:56 GMT -5
Would also add the missus is significantly less likely to back down - she has no temper just a resolute stance on this kind of attitude - could be something to do with dealing with kids (or me) a lot but before she throws a punch you know she is ready for action. These kind of events do make me wonder about the 'big' picture so one for the larger folk out there, I feel more vunerable to having to prove my ability since cutting back 25kg - despite being just as strong, faster and a more capable martial artist - I am less of a physical presence - should 'bulking up' be part of SP training??? I know I am considering returning to closer to 80kG once I 'retire'. well Iain and me don't have much choice in that matter, at my lowest weight and body fat years ago i was still around 95kgs. i'd stick to where you feel comfortable and confident as i reckon it's better if morons underestimate you.
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GJEC
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LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
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Post by GJEC on Feb 5, 2012 5:49:43 GMT -5
It's seems better to be stronger than you look. In my very brief but unpleasant door work some of the pumped up roid guzzling doormen were nowhere to be seen when someone needed a shoeing ...
The other factor is age. I hardly recognise the face in the mirror these days. At one time I had 90kgs of meat and a nasty stare and people left it alone. Now they just see a Victor Meldrew impersonator and are far more likely to take the p***.
I can still hit fairly hard though ...
Gary
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