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Jokes
Apr 7, 2011 10:49:48 GMT -5
Post by alan on Apr 7, 2011 10:49:48 GMT -5
three couples enjoying their honeymoon breakfast, all on the same table, scottish, irish and english:
the scottish guy says,"pass me the honey, honey!"
the english guy thinks, i`m gonna have some of this and says,"pass me the sugar, sugar!"
not to be outdone the irish guy says,
"pass me the bacon, pig!"
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Jokes
Apr 8, 2011 9:52:54 GMT -5
Post by Ros on Apr 8, 2011 9:52:54 GMT -5
Grandma and Grandpa were watching TV and Grandpa had the remote. To Grandma's great annoyance, he kept flipping between a hunting show and a soft-porn film. "For crying out loud," said Grandma, "just leave it on the porno!"
"On the porno??" said Grandpa, somewhat surprised.
"Yes, the porno!" said Grandma, "you already know how to hunt!"
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2011 8:35:35 GMT -5
Post by Ros on Apr 11, 2011 8:35:35 GMT -5
A girl goes to the doctor. She has a rash in the shape of a backwards "P" on her chest. The doctor asks her how she got this unusual rash. She tells him her boyfriend goes to Penn State, and he's such a fan of the football team that he refuses to remove his letter sweater when they have sex. He gives her some cream for the rash and she leaves.
A few days later, another girl comes in with a rash in the shape of a backwards "N". This girl goes on to explain how her boyfriend goes to Nebraska, and he won't remove his letter sweater for sex either. She gets the same cream.
A few days after that, a girl comes in with a rash in the shape of a "W". The doctor looks at the girl and says, "I bet your boyfriend goes to The University of Wisconsin."
The girl replies,"No, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan State."
;D
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Jokes
Apr 11, 2011 9:13:15 GMT -5
Post by senshido on Apr 11, 2011 9:13:15 GMT -5
;D ;D good ones Ros!
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2011 16:22:17 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on Apr 28, 2011 16:22:17 GMT -5
Following the tragic death of a human cannonball at the weekend, organisers have vowed,
"We'll keep going for his sake, although it won't be easy to find a replacement of his calibre"
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Jokes
Apr 28, 2011 17:40:33 GMT -5
Post by MMX on Apr 28, 2011 17:40:33 GMT -5
Oh that one is a groaner Gary! LOL!
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evergrey
Member
Get over yourself, mate.
Posts: 854
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Jokes
May 3, 2011 16:16:49 GMT -5
Post by evergrey on May 3, 2011 16:16:49 GMT -5
Hey, hey, ooh hey, I just made one up!
What did the undead gangsta say to his undead homies?
"What up, liches!"
*tries to dodge the ensuing boots to the head*
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
May 5, 2011 15:53:21 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on May 5, 2011 15:53:21 GMT -5
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
May 6, 2011 8:56:17 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on May 6, 2011 8:56:17 GMT -5
It has emerged that the happy couple have honeymooned in North Wales.
A lip reader has carefully analised the tapes and confirmed William whispered to Harry that he "was going to Bangor for a week"
Gary
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Jokes
May 6, 2011 12:36:13 GMT -5
Post by havamal on May 6, 2011 12:36:13 GMT -5
A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR AND ORDERS A BIN LADEN . . .
Bartender asks, "What’s a Bin Laden?"
Man says, "2 shots with a splash of water."
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
May 7, 2011 8:36:48 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on May 7, 2011 8:36:48 GMT -5
'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea/coffee. It doesn't enhance your performance but it does stop your biscuits going soft ...
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
May 11, 2011 0:44:49 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on May 11, 2011 0:44:49 GMT -5
BOB & THE BLONDE:
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar And stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story Of a man on the ledge of a large building Preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, The guy on the ledge Did a swan dive off the building, Falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, But willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did, too, But I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.
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Jokes
May 11, 2011 11:02:29 GMT -5
Post by MMX on May 11, 2011 11:02:29 GMT -5
I like that one Gary! LOL!
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GJEC
Member
LOUGHBOROUGH ENSHIN
Posts: 3,218
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Jokes
May 12, 2011 0:29:14 GMT -5
Post by GJEC on May 12, 2011 0:29:14 GMT -5
Ten Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
10. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 8. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 7. A dog's parents never visit. 6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. 5. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. 4. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 3. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 2. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
And last, but not least:
1. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
To test this theory: Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.
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Jokes
May 12, 2011 11:22:54 GMT -5
Post by MMX on May 12, 2011 11:22:54 GMT -5
That one is wrong but good!!
;D
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